She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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