so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
