we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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