hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
