so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
