Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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