Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
