thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
