Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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