Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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