I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When did angry sex become our thing?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
