There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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