I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
