My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
