when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
