Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize