I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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