Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
These tits shall not be calmed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
