Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
