i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
