I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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