If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
