He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize