you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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