One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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