so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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