My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
