Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
