i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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