Got a toothbrush?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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