and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize