Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
