once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My pussy is not your playground.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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