i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
