I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
