i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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