Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
