u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize