This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
