When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
