the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
