I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
