The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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