im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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