If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
