Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dicks are not precious.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
