When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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