I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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