The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
being pregnant is like rehab
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
