; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
