Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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