A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
