My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
