Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
