woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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