it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
