I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
