sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
