I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
