I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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