I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
