I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's like God shit irony all over that family
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
