the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
