Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
