We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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