just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
