I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
