One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
