my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
