I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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