Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize