You smell like stripper and shame
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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