I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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