Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize