I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
