If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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