who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
