Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ttyl tear gas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my poor anus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
