had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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