i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
