his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
