so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize